If you're interested in what I was wearing, I don't have a uniform but I wear office clothes in work as I'm an assistant manager in retail. I had black trousers on today which were more of a baggy fit and a blue long sleeved office shirt. It looked a bit oversized and scruffy though in the mirror this morning so I put a light-blue sweater over it to hide the oversized / ill-fitting look, buttoned up the shirt and wore a silver chain over the collar to try and style it out. I had my go-to black Air Force 1's on with black socks and blue briefs from OnThatAss.
I've not been using the work toilet (we only have one in the small shop I work at) for the past 2 days due to a leak problem we have which means the toilet water overflows on to the shop floor below. Thankfully no waste has come out on to the shop floor yet but the urine definitely has. I accidentally got loads of it down my shorts yesterday trying to carry the mop bucket of urine (that had been mopped up and squeezed out in to an empty mop bucket) hit the door frame of the back door causing it to splash all over me!
![Shocked :shock:](./images/smilies/icon_eek.gif)
Anyway, I don't usually need the toilet urgently during the day so very rarely go, despite consuming a fair amount of drinks throughout the day. Well, the game seems to change and your bladder plays by a different set of rules when you *know* you can't go. My bladder became anxious it seems, because I became very antsy and had to fight with myself to stand still without fidgeting for the rest of the day. This was from about midday when I decided this. I'd already came back from my dinner break so there would be no option to run out. I could have done if I really needed to, as I'm the assistant manager, I was also the duty manager so could've walked out to the nearest pub or to a nearby Tesco which has a toilet. But I was focused on my work which was getting me through.
The team were still going the toilet as much as they wanted as I don't want to be the guy who gets sued for inhibiting an employee I'm supposed to care about from using the toilet whenever they need. I just had to mop it up afterwards when it spilled out over the shop floor. Idk why head office wouldn't let us close the shop tbh.
Anyway, yesterday I only got a couple of hours in before I felt like it was becoming too obvious and that I was embarrassing myself in front of my team so I told one of them I was nipping out for 2 mins for a drink and went to a café for a milkshake, knowing they also had customer toilets. It was hot yesterday in the UK and it has been for the past week or so, so I've been consuming even more liquids and have been even more dehydrated than normal, like most.
Today, I was determined to see a full day through. It was not hot nor was it exceptionally humid, so I should've been able to survive. The good news for me was that I did and I didn't have to run out or have an accident in front of my team. But I shut the shop 10 minutes early to get an earlier bus than normal, so I could get home and use the toilet. I could've just gone to Tesco after work now I think about it, but I think I had already locked-on to the idea of making it home through the desperation which had mounted pretty much all afternoon again. In hindsight, I'd probably lost perspective, focusing solely on trying to make it to my bathroom and imagining the glorious piss I was going to have.
In the last year or so, I've found that I get satisfaction from having desperate pisses in the toilet, hearing the current splash directly in to the centre of the water, as much as I enjoy it filling my crotch and running down my legs to fill my shoes.
Before leaving work I have to 'cash up' the till which includes counting every penny of it and separating different types of money then doing a bit of on-the-spot calculations and admin. It can be done in 10 mins if you're experienced enough, which luckily I am. That's usually the first time I'll feel the need to pee all day, on a normal day. It hits me violently as I'm trying to stand still at the till and count quickly plus press buttons and write things down while also trying to think to do my 'kwik maffs'.
Side note: Thinking when I'm desperate usually makes me lose control of myself and even when I don't ordinarily need to go, it's thinking / focusing on something that'll give me violent sporadic urges to pee which has lead to countless leaks and even accidents in the past. It always calms down and subsides back in to oblivion once I stop thinking or focusing on something, though.
It wasn't as hard as standing still with one arm upwards and another in my pocket trying to discretely squeeze myself as I pulled down the shop shutters, though! The shutters aren't manual, they're electric and require a key, but you have to stand there with the key turned to keep them moving until they're eventually all the way up/down. To make matters worse, my black baggy fit formal trousers have pockets that may be spacious, but my underwear was quite tight and doesn't allow you to probably grab a-hold of yourself through them, making comfort-pinching impossible.
I walked away from the shop having my first leak - a small dribble in to my relatively new blue paisley briefs from OnThatAss (a subscription based underwear provider). They were pretty tight as I say so I'll need to change my subscription to a size upwards.
I get to the bus stop a couple blocks away after frantically charging through the town centre. I stand at the bus stop and I'm blessed with the bus seemingly appearing out of nowhere, but right on queue. I jump on asap, barely take time to scan my card and sit down. This is where things calm down, so I go on my phone and browse Tik Tok to distract myself.
I'm squirming in my seat almost constantly. The feeling doesn't leave me, even for a moment. All I can see is the rain pouring down outside and it's not helping. I start to think that I could just wet myself once I got off if it got too uncomfortable or if the leaking continued. I enjoyed the prospect of that.
I jump off the bus at my stop. The entire journey I'd not really had any serious moments of pain or desperation but I did squirm around quite a lot, as I say.
As I alight the bus and walk away towards the top of my street, I can feel like there's every chance I'll make it and that I've got nothing to worry about. This annoys me. I really hoped I'd wet myself or that I'd be so desperate that it'd warrant doing it intentionally to avoid any more pain. But no, I'm managing just fine. Stupid well-behaved bladder of mine!
Side note: I don't like wetting myself most of the time unless I'm beginning to lose control of myself anyway or it's a genuine accident. Especially in public. Most of the time, I can hold all the way until home before even seriously needing to go (aside from the tantrum my bladder throws earlier on when I'm cashing up) so if I do wet myself it's because I've intentionally held until I can't anymore. I don't like the staged element of that but sometimes I'll put up with it. Even when I do eventually wet myself I rarely actually lose control (I usually get tired of holding and just do it so I can get it over with and go to bed), and even when I do start going uncontrollably, knowing I could've just gone the toilet at any moment removes the thrill of it.
I get to my door step and finally the frantic desperation starts. My old friend, latch key incontinence! I play it cool and try and get the key in the door. Sometimes it's hard to fit it in, and today was one of those days, I was sure that I was about to start pissing myself any second, but nope, I got in just in time. I lock the door behind me. I take extra time to get my jacket off and cap and my black trainers. I look at myself in the mirror absent-mindedly as I'm half-undressing and start focusing on how wet my jacket is from the rain. That's when I spurt. It felt so fresh and gushy, despite only lasting a second.
Instinctively, I ran upstairs to the bathroom because I remembered I originally wanted to piss in the toilet. I could've ran to the back of the house to the downstairs W/C but the stairs were right there and the bathroom was just about within sight at the top of the stairs. Using my long legs, I ran towards the stairs frantically without taking time to even work out what steps I wanted to aim for (I can stretch to about 3 steps pair step forward) I subsequently crashed in to the stairs, tripping over the firs couple steps and landing forward. The little fear moment you get when you trip on something and it propper shakes you to your core for a moment (like your life figuratively flashes before your eyes for a split second) was propbably enough for me to have lost control of myself - but that's if my belt landing directly on the edge of one of the steps and being pushed square in the face of my bladder causing total voidance didn't get there first.
To make matter worse, my nose and eyes nearly hit the edge of another step and I'm not sure really how I didn't but I was within a couple of inches of it. The fear was genuine and it caused me to shudder from chest downwards and that's when I felt my bladder go. A warm powerful current enters my trousers and at first I'm like "no! NO!" murmuring that to myself. Then, as always, the relief takes over and outweighs all else. A sigh of relief escapes my mouth and I fold my arms on the step that just nearly knocked my eyes in to the back of my head. I bury my head in my folded arms and close my eyes, relaxing as much as possible what nature does it's thing.
I eventually hear it splatter on to a the steps and when I get up again after it's finished, I notice it'd travelled down both my trousers legs and spilled out on to 2 separate steps.
Afterwards, I thought "well I guess it wasn't meant to be after all" and I've still not got changed and have already needed to go a couple more times since. I haven't used the toilet once since I got in and have instead opted for going in my trousers again. I've gotta take my bins out to the street in a minute so I'm just filling up so I can empty my bladder then too, then I'll probably go to bed.
Look forward to hopefully getting desperate again tomorrow!